New Old One-Liners...

You Might Be From Upstate New York if....


If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will
swim by, you might live in Upstate New York.


If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights
each year because Saranac Lake is the coldest spot in the nation,
you might live in Upstate New York.


If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you
might live in Upstate New York.


If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the
year, you might live in Upstate New York.


If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work
there, you might live in Upstate New York.


If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of
his forehead, you might live in Upstate New York.


If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live
in Upstate New York.


If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might
live in Upstate New York.


If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who
dialed a wrong number, you might live in Upstate New York.


YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE UPSTATE NEW YORKER WHEN:

1. "Vacation" means going South past Albany for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back
again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including
weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave
both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend / wife
knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means Albany.

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your Upstate New York friends.